If you are like most women (read: NORMAL), you didn’t get knocked up your first go-around. Getting pregnant didn’t come too easily for my husband and I either. Many women end up regretting telling their friends and family that they are trying to conceive because, although they mean well, your friends and/or family members are bound to make some jackass comment at some point in your trying to conceive journey. Here are the top ten things that make our ears bleed when we are trying to conceive. (Go ahead and forward this now to anyone you might have spilled the beans to…)
10. “Just relax and you’ll get pregnant.” Oh, yeah. Check out my new trick: I can relax on command! Oh, wait…
9. “Just stop trying and you’ll get pregnant.” Really? Can you guarantee this? If not, please do not get my hopes up. And one cannot just “turn off” the desire to have children, so until your friend reaches the end of her TTC journey (be it IVF, adoption, or accepting the fact that she will not have children), she will never stop trying.
8. “Maybe you should try ____.” This phrase is usually followed by some lame old wives’ tale like standing on your head afterwards to let gravity do its thing. (No, this doesn’t work…not that I’ve tried this.) Hey, BFF: Just because you got pregnant after doing it doggy style does not mean that I will, and most of the time I’ve already tried whatever it is you’re suggesting anyways. Thanks for reminding me that I failed. Again.
7. “I feel so fat. My feet are so swollen. Being pregnant is so miserable. Blah blah blah…” You’re pregnant? Congrats! Now STFU because I would kill for your morning sickness.
6. “I love being pregnant and feeling this warm glow radiating all over me from the inside out. Blah blah blah…” Basically, STFU. I’m not interested in hearing anything–good or bad–about your pregnancy until I can relate.
5. “Can you believe we got pregnant on the first try?” Yes, actually, I do believe it. People like you who are socially clueless enough to make a comment like this are usually the ones who get knocked up first. Congrats. Now please refer to #6 and #7.
4. “Maybe it wasn’t meant to be.” “God has a plan.” etc. I can see how some people might perceive this as being comforting, but an infertile woman hears: “God doesn’t want you to have the one thing that would make you truly happy.” She is already dealing with feelings of failure, guilt, and disappointment. Let’s not add anger over some injustice done because she, for some reason, doesn’t deserve to have children.
3. “You’re so lucky you have the freedom to sleep in/go on dates/travel/enjoy life.” Your friend wants nothing more than all the sleepless nights, spit-up, and poopsplosions that go along with parenting and would give up her freedom in a heartbeat. Same goes for stretch marks and saggy boobs. Bring it on if it means I can have a baby! So, best not to complain about your post-baby body either.
2. “Well, you can always adopt.” This makes it seem as if choosing adoption is on par with saying, “You can always stop at Starbucks on your way to work.” The choice to adopt is often a heart-wrenching decision that couples agonize over, and it can be a devastating final option for a woman who has always dreamed of having a biological child. Not to mention, once you begin the adoption process, it can take years and many thousands of dollars before you are actually able to bring your baby home.
1. “Well, at least you can have fun trying.” Right. Maybe the first couple months were fun. Fast forward a year later and now trying to conceive means forcing yourself to do it when you don’t want to just because you’re ovulating. Your TTC friend may also be taking supplements, checking her temperature daily, inserting PreSeed before sex, peeing on/in things multiple times a day so as not to miss her ovulation, and checking her cervical mucus daily. Gets me hot just thinking about it…
Did I forget any winners? Leave a comment below and share your most hated TTC piece of advice.